Do you find that your money philosophy is different than your wife’s (significant other)? Well, I do.
Steve recently sent in an email with the following question:
I recently got married. My wife and I are working on our future finances. I am aggressive and she is conservative when it comes to investing.
Example: Her money is in a savings account and her 401k is making nothing (also not losing anything). My money is in stocks and my 401k is in stocks (fluctuating).
We do not have plans to co mingle our money at this time which I feel is best. However, I want to get her money working for her even if it is more conservative than mine. What do you think?
First of all, be mindful of the fact that you should attempt to guide, not dictate. Respect that she should be entitled to do whatever she wants with, as you put it, her money.
Our Own Situation
Actually, Emma and I are in the exact same boat. I’m pretty aggressive with our investments, but Emma likes to keep her money in a safe place. I don’t mind the volatility at all and believe that the market usually wins in the long run. But instead of trying to take over what she feels is safe, here’s what I have done.
- Adjust Accordingly – No matter how separated your finances are in reality, they are combined by law unless you have a separate contract that says otherwise. What is my money is Emma’s and vice versa. It’s perfectly okay that Emma wants to put all her money into a certificate of deposit, because I can be just adjust and be more aggressive with my investments to even out our overall family portfolio. At the end, it achieves the same objective without the extra potential tension.
- Selling Your Ideas – If you believe that your investment philosophies are sound, then there should be no problem trying to take a more long term view to sell your idea to your spouse. Every time you come across a situation where your suggestions worked out better, you should mention them. Be proud and vocal of your results, and everyone around you will eventually see it your way.
- Be Credible – It helps Emma feel comfortable to at least give my opinions and suggestions serious consideration because everyone knows I’m thinking and talking about personal finance topics on a daily basis.
While you may not want to start a site about money issues, you can show your significant other that you really care about your finances by example. It’s really tough to take dieting advice from someone who’s overweight, and the same idea applies to investing advices.
- Forget the Ego – Know the true reasons why you want her to invest. If you truly care about her and her future, your concern will naturally carry out in your tone. It’s much easier for Emma to accept my ideas when she feels that I’m trying to look out for her. Conversely, it would be impossible for her to listen to my suggestions if all she can sense is my desire for her to act one way. Take a step back and figure out why you want to give her advice first.
Everything I’m doing seems like a roundabout way to reach the goal, but with a delicate manner such as finances and marriage, who can afford to screw it up?
Any suggestions for Steve (or myself for that matter)? Your ideas are welcome and appreciated!
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